Why a Narcissist Controls Communication
A narcissist will seek to control communications between their children or partner and everyone else.
Centre of communication
They make themselves the centre of communication by triangulation. By being at the centre of communication they control how each person feels about the other.
Alienating siblings with lies
Often narcissists will make up lies and twist things in order for one sibling or their partner to appear to be uncaring or unpleasant to the other.
In this way, they can make one child dislike their sibling or their sibling’s partner. If they don’t like them they won’t spend time together and find out the truth.
They drive a wedge between the siblings in order for them to have power and control over their children (and grandchildren).
Triangulate between partners and exes
Romantic partners will often triangulate between their current partner and their exes.
They will tell one party one story and the other another.
They will paint their ex as crazy, unstable, a liar or dangerous so that the current partner doesn’t approach them to discover the truth.
To increase jealousy
Triangulation also serves to make one party jealous of the attention that the other is receiving.
It makes the relationship a competition, with each party desperately seeking the attention of the narcissist, driving both parties further and further from each other and further from the truth of the situation.
They feel superior
When a narcissist triangulates it makes them feel superior because they are controlling the situation between parties.
No-one is aware of the machinations of the narcissist and how they are playing into their hands.
When they control, they get attention
Narcissists gain supply (attention) from each of the people they triangulate, and it makes them feel alive.
The more people they triangulate the more supply they get.
They revel in the drama be it positive or negative that they cause. They light the fireworks and then sit back and watch with glee as the parties fight over them.
Exploit others’ weaknesses
The chances are the narcissist has already found our weaknesses, which they will exploit through triangulation.
Our fears and insecurities will be realised as the narcissist uses their knowledge of them against us.
They will use our low self-esteem to further undermine us, our lack of confidence to make us feel worthless. They make themselves the centre of our world in order that they can control us and use us for their needs.
How to cope….
The only way to avoid this is to make sure you speak directly to the person.
The more you are triangulated, the more you can be controlled and the less likely you are to get to the truth about a situation.
For example, if you receive a communication from your narcissistic parent/partner about an illness in the family, go directly to the party concerned or someone else close to them to find out the truth.
It is the only way to be able to deal with their attempts at triangulation, refuse to let them be a part of the relationship and to control the situation.
If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on April 27, 2018.