What?! Out of the Mouth of a Narcissist
In this blog I am sharing some of the things I have heard narcissists say.
In most examples they said these things whilst I was still in contact, and whilst it struck me as strange it didn’t set the alarm bells ringing.
Now, however, I can see each statement for the toxic vileness that it is. And proof that narcissists are not capable of any love or care for anyone.
How to not speak to your child
When talking about giving birth to me, my mother said I was an easy birth. My brother, however, wasn’t so easy. This is what she said:
‘If I’d had your brother first I wouldn’t have had you.’
Oh wow, way to make your daughter feel loved and important, right?!
On the surface of it, it could be about the physical process of giving birth. Or about thoughtlessness.
It was deeper than that, I don’t think that this was even about how easy or not giving birth had been.
I believe that this had more to do with the fact that I am girl.
You see, my mother came from a family of 5 girls and only one boy.
The boy was the golden child, he could do nothing wrong. This wasn’t based on his character, his values or his behaviour, just purely that he was a boy.
So, my mother continued that same pattern.
She had spent her whole life trying to win the love and approval of her father. He went to his deathbed, without giving her it.
When I was born, the eldest of my mother’s children, I was automatically the scapegoat just because I am a female.
As soon as my brother was born, he become my mother’s favourite, just because he was a boy.
I have done enough healing to know the reasons why my mother said this. And to understand that it comes from her own deep wounds, that she’s never acknowledged let alone begun to heal from.
It was her issue, and instead of putting on her daughter, she should have worked to heal from it.
This is how the cycle of narcissistic abuse is perpetuated throughout generations, until it is put a stop to.
A prediction of her granddaughter’s future
‘She’s going to be a prostitute when she’s older’.
These were the words of a grandmother, about her 10-year-old granddaughter.
She said it, and then followed it up with:
‘You should see the way she watches TV, her legs wide open’.
I cannot imagine what goes on in this woman’s head to see the way that her granddaughter sits as an indication of her future choices.
So, when a narcissist has nothing on their scapegoat, they simply make something up!
They base it on something that their scapegoat does which they present as ‘evidence’ of why that thing is true.
To her, her granddaughter’s sitting position was enough evidence to say this to a virtual stranger.
Of course, she would also assume that this is the conclusion that other people would come to as well, about her granddaughter.
If this is what she says about her granddaughter behind her back, I can not imagine how vile she is to her face.
I only question why this woman’s daughter spends any time with her. Most importantly, why she allows her to see her children.
I can only assume that she is unaware, but the damage will be caused, nonetheless.
This is why it is so important to protect your children from a narcissist. They are on a mission to destroy their children and grandchildren. And there is no low that they won’t stoop to to achieve that aim.
A mother’s wish for her child
‘It would be better for me if he was dead.’
This is what an elderly narcissistic mother said about her son.
For a bit of background, her son had had health issues for a long time. Sadly, it was fairly certain that he wouldn’t live to old age.
I can not imagine that a mother would ever wish her son dead.
However, in this case I can see that a narcissistic mother would gain from the attention of the death of her son. Her husband had died a few years early and her focus was on getting maximum attention and energy.
She had raised her son to be a narcissist, and unsurprisingly, didn’t like him very much.
And the reasons why she didn’t like him, probably because he reminded her of her vile aspects.
This is evidence enough, as far as I’m concerned, for how little a narcissist cares about their child, either their golden child or scapegoat.
What are you supposed to say in reply to this?
My answer, get as far away from her as possible. And make sure that your children are as far away from her as possible too.
‘Where does he get it?’
‘I don’t understand why he’s like he is, it must be because he’s like his father’s father.’
This was said after this woman’s eldest son had had a temper tantrum following his father’s death.
The eldest son was the golden child of both his mother and father.
The temper tantrum was nothing to do with grief, it was because he didn’t like the financial choices that were being made. He had always had his own way, and couldn’t understand why all of a sudden he wasn’t getting what he wanted.
She could not see how similar his vile behaviour was to her vile behaviour.
It didn’t fit with the way that she saw herself. So, she distanced herself from it as far as she could, making her husband’s family responsible for his behaviour.
The entirety of the aftermath of his father’s death became about the son acting out because he wasn’t getting his own way.
Soon after this, she asked her scapegoat son and daughter in-law to be power of attorney for her. She was scared of her eldest son and what he would do to try to claw back some control over her finances.
She might have been afraid of him, but she had raised him to be like this.
She was the main reason why he was so vile, she had made all the decisions regarding his upbringing and her husband had gone along with her.
It was a choice, how she treated him because his brother is completely the opposite. Her eldest son was always told ‘yes’ and younger son always told ‘no’, just because of the roles she chose for them.
None of it was about the best thing for either of her sons.
Come the end of her life, she resented the fact that her son was even a tiny bit reliant on her.
But she had brought him up to rely on her and encouraged it.
Fortunately, despite her wishes, her son outlived her.
When she said this, I was so tempted to say something about apples not falling too far from the tree. However, I didn’t, it wouldn’t have served anything and I just wanted to get as far from her as quickly as I could!
In conclusion
When they come up with these things one of the most awful things is about it is that it’s normal for us. It’s not that strange, or vile, or hurtful. It’s what we’re used to.
It’s only when we start to heal, and we look back over these things that we see the true toxicity of it all.
None of the things I have quoted here have shown these people to be a caring mother or grandmother.
It shows their truth in their words.
I am so grateful that I am free of all these people.
And I continue to ensure that myself and my son are free from all toxicity.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on February 8, 2022.