Two Types of Narcissist- The Talker and the Fake Empath
These are two of the types of narcissists I have experienced.
The Talker
These are the narcissists that just talk AT people.
It’s not a conversation, all they really require is a warm body to talk at.
Often, they will repeat the same story over and over, especially if it paints them like some sort of hero, or someone to be admired. (This gives you an indicator of their image).
No-one else’s input is required, social cues are ignored, and questions are not asked of the other person.
I have also found that The Talker does not bother with the social niceties in greeting people, they don’t care enough about other people to ask how they are, or even say hello!
Their number one priority is to talk to the maximum and they don’t want anything to stop them from being able to do this.
This is why they don’t bother asking people how they are.
The Talker also ignores the subtle and not so subtle signs that someone is not interested in what they are saying.
They rely on the other person’s desire to not be impolite to continue to talk at them. In this case the person being talked at, is trapped by their own desire to be ‘nice’ and polite.
The Talker must have people to talk at, it is their number one priority. They will ensure that they have a lot of people to chose from to talk at. They don’t care who it is, as long as it is a warm body.
These are the people to avoid on long journeys!
The Talker is not interested in other people at all and they make no secret about it.
Often, they will go off into detail, too much detail, about their story, anything to keep someone’s attention for longer.
One Talker that I knew if you asked her a question she would take about 20 minutes to answer it. She was more focused on the attention she was getting, because I wanted an answer, than answering my question. And, of course, her response was full of all the little ‘I’m the hero’ stories, or stories that boosted her image.
Often, they will focus on something that they think is of mutual interest, not because the other person’s input is required but because it gives them more attention.
If the other person is even a tiny bit interested then they are likely to be engaged in the conversation for longer.
The same stories will be repeated on loop, often with the same words.
Like a rehearsed story.
And they won’t care if you’ve heard it once or twenty times before. None of this is about the other person it’s all about the talker.
These are the same people who will whinge and moan about a particular circumstance in their life.
If you are unfortunate enough to be an empath, they will use the fact that you care to get your attention. Effectively these people dump their negative garbage on you, which leaves them feeling much better.
You, however, feel exhausted by the conversation.
Unaware of what was really going on, you thought that your advice was required, or just a listening ear. However, advice is not required, the talker just wants your attention, that’s enough. The conversations will often be exactly the same, the talker will never take any action to improve their situation. It’s enough for them that you give them your energy and they can dump it on you.
The Talker is never interested in anyone else sharing, they dominate the conversation whether it’s one on one, or in a group setting.
Sometimes if the attention does shift, especially in a group setting, the Talker will turn the conversation so that they are the focus of attention again.
Their agenda is to make themselves look good, gossip and bring other people down who they are jealous of and get your attention and energy.
They are not interested in conversations with people, getting to know others or in genuine connection.
All they are interested in is the attention and energy fix they get from others.
The relationship is all about others serving them. If you ever need any support, they are not there.
Often these people live alone, no-one can stick living with them.
However, it means that they are even more desperate to get attention and energy from other people.
The Fake Empath
These are people who act at being an empath.
It’s as if they’ve read about empaths and have their own take on it, which are not the actions of a real empath.
The Fake Empath will exploit someone else’s situation to fake caring and compassion.
It’ll be like they are reading a script and even can even fake a caring tone of voice or facial expressions.
Their actions do not feel sincere because they are not.
Often, they will bring up a difficult situation for the other person. And then their monologue will begin, with all the words that sound like they are caring.
The other person’s input is not required. They are only required to reflect to the Fake Empath confirmation of their image.
When the Fake Empath is on a roll, they will continue. They think that continuing to talk at their target is additional confirmation of their image as an empath.
Often the Fake Empath will tell their target what the target feels. It won’t be about what they are feeling in that moment. And they won’t even know if they are really wrong about it, nor will they care.
It’s all a chance for the Fake Empath to start their act.
It could appear that they are empathetic, but really what they are doing is premeditated. They’ve rehearsed for this, they’ve got a standard procedure for their act which they use in all circumstances when they think it is required.
However, they are really off.
Someone with empathy, feels what the other person feels in the moment. It is not fake. And the other person feels that they feel it too.
Empathy if not something that can be faked.
The Fake Empath will also tell people that they are an empath. Like a label they wear.
True empaths do not do this, they don’t need to.
The Fake Empath makes everything about them, however with the true empath everything is about the other person.
They appear to be all caring, but they aren’t. And the chances are whatever someone shares with them, especially if it’s painful, it will be a subject of gossip by the Fake Empath.
The narcissist that has given themselves the label of being an empath is dangerous, if they manage to convince people.
They use gossip to confirm to others that they are an empath, if someone else is willing to confide in them then other people will be more likely to be vulnerable too.
The Fake Empath uses this act to get people to lower their guard.
And then they use whatever they’ve discovered against the other person, maybe not immediately but possibly at some point in the future.
They conduct emotional warfare, they reel people in with their act, and then use their deepest pain against them.
Afterwards their target will feel vulnerable, as if they’ve been exposed. And perhaps also a little bit of fear, what will the Fake Empath do with that information?
Sometimes these Fake Empaths will take on caring roles, like therapists, counsellors, or nurses etc.
This is just to booster their image, and to convince people that they are an empath.
These people are in a position of trust and authority and a Fake Empath in this role is dangerous.
They could exploit their position, with vulnerable people, for their own ego boost. None of this is about the person needing the help, it’ll all be about feeding the ego of the Fake Empath or reenforcing their image.
Conclusion
I hope that this blog has helped you to identify some of the types of narcissists out there.
The more you can protect yourself from these people, the better for you. Every bit of energy invested in these people is a waste of your energy, and it makes a target for them.
If you can trust in your intuition then that will keep you safe from these people, it is always there to protect you.
My old neighbour
She was the first person I had really experienced like this, just being talked at.
If we visited her, we would never get a word in at all.
She didn’t speak a word of English, and her French was very, very fast. It was almost like being machine-gunned by her. She didn’t care if we understood!
It was all about her getting her chance to talk.
Should we managed to get a word in, to ask a question, she would talk for hours around the subject, avoiding answering our question. She knew at these times that she had a captive audience. We were paying attention because we wanted to know something.
Often these long stories she would go off about, involved her being the hero, or else she would get a snide remark in about someone she didn’t like. None if it had anything to do with the question that we had asked her.
She had an agenda, to feed from our attention and energy, to make sure she boosted her image and brought people she didn’t like.
None of it was about conversation with us.
If she asked a question, she wouldn’t wait for an answer. Or else she would just continue talking as if we weren’t there.
When we first knew her, her husband was still alive. After his death, her need to for attention got worse and worse.
Often, we’d be there for hours.
We think that she gained from her husband, because people liked him and visited him she got attention from them. But once he died they stopped visiting, because they couldn’t stand her!
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on March 1, 2022.