Thoughts of Revenge Towards a Narcissist

4 min readApr 19, 2019

Whilst it is something that is a little shameful to admit, at the beginning of my discovery I wanted revenge against my parents. I had fantasies about how I could hurt them the most.

Fortunately, I never acted on this impulse and this stage was short lived.

Some of the fantasies were because I felt shunned by my family, and I wanted my parents to be the ones that suffered alone.

The narcissist is protected

In a toxic family, the narcissist is the one that is protected by the other family members, rather than the children of the family. As a result of the family rallying around the abuser, it is the victim/scapegoat that becomes isolated and alone. This is the inverse of how the situation should be and shows the toxicity of the entire family set up.

After 36 years of anger suppression, rage fuelled a lot of my revenge ideas. For a while it was only the thoughts of revenge that kept me going. Anything that I did at this stage that kept me out of the blackness of despair was a good thing. At least with the anger there was an energy about it that I could use to move forward in my life. Fuelled by the ideas of revenge I decided the best way was the make my best life without them.

A reaction to injustice

The revenge ideas scared me, because it is not my natural character and I worried that this was the person I was. Now I see that it was a reaction to the extreme injustice of how I had been betrayed by the very people supposed to protect me. I gave myself the grace to indulge these ideas, not to act on them, they were an important part of the healing process.

Perhaps there could be a little bit of hope that after the revenge the narcissist sees the error of their ways. If you are dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, they will never admit responsibility for anything, so the scheme will be a waste. Should you do it, whilst it may give you momentary relief, the consequences of your actions will be far worse for you.

A waste of energy

Revenge fantasies acted out against a narcissist are a waste of time, energy and effort. A narcissist thrives on negative energy and anything you did would never serve your purposes. They would profit from it, by taking your energy, using it against you with other people and feeling smug that they had upset you enough to make the effort.

Acting out on these ideas would also mean that you would have to break your low contact or no contact. Whilst in low contact, to wreak revenge would mean having to have contact with your narcissistic parent, by choice and to be the cause of the drama that a narcissist thrives on. Even worse, if you are currently no contact, you would have to break that, and the peace you started to build. Revenge simply isn’t worth it

Invest the energy in you

The energy you would invest in revenge is much better spent in your healing process and building your life. For your entire life your narcissistic parent has ruled your life and your head, now you know the truth it’s the time to profit and spend the time and energy on you and your life. Time to work on putting the past behind you and move towards your dream life.

If you still have the desire to hurt your narcissistic parent, then write out your revenge ideas. Describe the scene, how you would want your parent to act, go into a lot of detail. This is an energy that needs to be released in some way.

Believe me, healing and working towards a better life will take a lot of energy.

Surely that energy is better spent on you?

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