The People Around A Narcissist
Anyone that chooses to spend time with a narcissist can be just as toxic as the narcissist themselves.
They will be somewhere on the scale of toxicity, from having a few narcissistic traits as far as being a narcissist themselves.
The flying monkeys
Those people that contact you if you have a row with your parents or go no contact will never have your best interests at heart because they are tied in the toxicity in some way (flying monkeys).
They will have no interest in your side of the story or respect your wishes to be left alone or not talk about your parent. Their only role is to serve the narcissist and get you back.
The drama-lovers
There are some people who enjoy the drama that comes with spending time with a narcissist.
These drama- lovers have no emotional connection to the people involved in the drama, it is merely entertainment for them.
Often, they will cause more drama, by stirring or lying to keep it going.
Narcissists love these people because they perpetuate the drama that the narcissist thrives on.
Family members, friends, or acquaintances can be drama lovers, they will be sure to spend a lot of time with a narcissist.
Furthering their own agenda
Some narcissist fans are people who have an ulterior motive and use the narcissist’s drama to further their own agenda.
If the narcissist is frequently falling out with someone they don’t like or are jealous of then they will use this opportunity to stick the knife in further.
What starts with just the narcissist and their target soon becomes the opportunity for this person to escalate the drama. They don’t need any reasons to further the drama, they just want the victim to suffer the most and will lie, exaggerate and stir to cause maximum hurt.
The scapegoat as a shield
In families, there are often those that use others to protect themselves from the wrath of the narcissist.
If a scapegoat goes no contact, they know that they will be next in line, as the priority is for the narcissist to have a scapegoat.
If they contact you it is only because your being in contact means that they escape the narcissist’s abuse.
Effectively you become a human shield, and they will do everything that they can to get you back to save themselves.
Of course, it is just as possible for them to consider no contact, but they have their own agenda.
Often their reason for continued contact, despite the abuse, is to win the favour of the narcissist or to gain financially either now or in the future with inheritance.
Often these people will be the silent witnesses to the abuse, they won’t seek to protect you, or make it easier for you, their priority is themselves.
The covert and overt narcissist
A covert narcissist needs to be with an overt narcissist, they are a toxic combination.
They use one another for their own sick purposes whilst getting nothing but negativity from the relationship.
Whilst the overt narcissist thinks themselves superior, a covert narcissist thinks the same but is subtler and more difficult to spot.
They use the pity of others to get what they want and need and constantly have problems that others need to fix.
A relationship with a covert narcissist is in some ways so much more draining than an overt, you can avoid an overt, whilst the covert just sucks all your energy, with the same problems over and over and never willing to do anything about it. Their fix is the energy they take from you, it keeps them alive.
Narcissists use other narcissists too
Whilst it’s rare, occasionally an overt narcissist with have a relationship with another overt, but the relationship will be short-lived as each thinks that they are the priority.
In some way each serves the other, usually backing up their image as intelligent or rich or whatever each narcissist places importance on.
As soon as either doesn’t serve their purposes the relationship will end.
So, in conclusion, there is no-one you want to be around that chooses to spend time with a narcissist.
As adults, we have free will about who we will spend time with, and all those that spend their precious time and energy with a toxic person is not someone that you need in your life.
This could mean that you have to consider relationships with other members of your family and friends.
The sooner you are free from all toxicity, the sooner you can begin to heal and surround yourself with the right people, who are a positive influence in your life and love you.
If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on January 25, 2019.