The Narcissists Lack of Empathy

Clare Lane

3 min readSep 7, 2018

Empathy:

‘the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.’

(https://www.dictionary.com/browse/empathy?s=t)

Narcissists do not have empathy.

The narcissist is the family’s priority

Within a toxic family, the narcissist becomes the centre of the family’s world.

It becomes their number one priority to keep the narcissist happy because then they are at less risk of being abused.

The narcissist is the priority over babies, children or helpless family members.

This is why when one member speaks up, the family members still tied in the toxicity rally around the abuser. They seek to ingratiate themselves with the narcissist.

Together they turn on the victim, seeking to protect themselves and win favour with the narcissist so that they don’t become the next scapegoat.

They fake empathy

When it suits them narcissists can appear to have empathy.

But because it is so unnatural for them it comes across as insincere or fake. They can also fake it to keep those they wish to abuse close, they pretend for a while.

The cycle of abuse

It is a part of the cycle of abuse, that on occasions the narcissist can appear to be caring.

If they were vile and abusive all the time, then they would never have anyone to victimise.

Understand, though, that these times of appearing to be nice, are fake and not the narcissist’s real persona. The true character of the narcissist is malicious, entirely self-absorbed and hard-hearted.

Their image is very important to them

One of the most important things to a narcissist is their image.

So frequently a narcissist will put on a show of being caring and empathetic.

They do this especially if there is an audience that they wish to project the image of a caring family member. It is behind closed doors with family members that the narcissist is their true self.

…. and they have fake interests or hobbies

Frequently narcissists will have hobbies, interests or a lifestyle to boost their image.

This is to garner an ego boost or get attention. It is purely for the advantages that they think they gain and not because they genuinely care.

Most people want love, a narcissist to perpetuate their image

Many people start from the premise that everyone they deal with has the basics required to be human: the desire to be loved.

Narcissists start from a completely different place.

They start with their external image and then do everything they can to perpetuate whatever image it is that they want to project. Everything they consider and plan with this as their priority.

As they lack empathy, they can’t be real

Just as a narcissist projects their flaws onto other people, caring and compassionate people project their love onto other people.

Empathy is one of the things that make us most human. It is our desire to connect and the ability to feel the emotions of others.

Narcissists lack this ability, so they lack the very ability to be real and human.

They are like robots, fixated in boosting their image and pretending to feel. This is why we will never understand a narcissist because we come from an opposing standpoint.

A narcissist has hardened their heart.

It means that they are unable to ever feel the joy and happiness of life. It also means that they don’t feel the same emotions as other human beings. They lack the ability to be able to love, their partners, their children, family members, friends, or even pets.

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