The Narcissist’s Intentions
It is normal and natural to presume, before you know any better, that a narcissist wants the same as you do.
Whenever we have conversations with a narcissist to try to resolve any issues with them, we assume that they also want to sort it out.
However, they don’t.
What a narcissist wants is your attention and energy and they will get it by any means that they can.
You will find any conversation with them will usually be something that you feel emotional about.
They may mock you, feign ignorance, tell you you’re sensitive, or continually question you. Whatever they do it will never be to try to understand you or your point of view.
A narcissist isn’t interested in you at all. The only thing that they are interested in is creating drama.
The bigger the drama, the more attention for the narcissist. The more people they can reel into the drama the better, so family members, friends, anyone willing to listen will be involved.
EVERYTHING that the narcissist does and says is to cause an effect on those around them.
There is nothing that comes out of their mouth that isn’t to manipulate or control in some way.
It is not possible to think like a narcissist.
They don’t think like you.
And the more you think that they do the more you are engaged with them, investing your energy in someone that just wants to take, take, take.
Have you ever had a conversation with a narcissist that has gone the way that you thought it would?
I certainly never have.
Now I realise that all of the issues that I thought I had with my parents, or that they had with me, were contrived.
Each problem was blown out of proportion, exaggerated, lied about and twisted to only make it into drama.
These dramas didn’t need to involve my parents directly either. Often, they were about other family members, in particular my brother.
Sometimes my father would deliberately do something shitty, just to cause a drama. And often this would go on for months, me trying to understand why he did such awful things.
The truth is narcissists are awful people.
There is not a shred of good about them.
A narcissist will never be happy for someone else, they’re too jealous. Instead of trying to improve their lives, they seek to tear others down.
It could be that they spread gossip about the other person, cause drama or refuse to celebrate. Somehow, they will find a way to bring the other person down and make it all about the narcissist.
The more oblivious the other person is to their machinations, the more angry it makes the narcissist. So, they ramp up their vile behaviour.
Sometimes they are like a rabid dog in their anger, it’s so unreasonable when the situation is taken as a whole. This shows their true character, the depth of their jealous and dislike, or hatred, of the other person.
Likewise, a narcissist will never be proud of anyone.
No matter how hard you’ve worked, or how difficult the challenge the narcissist will never express pride in you. Instead, they will find something wrong with you, either to your face or behind your back.
It can be so confusing, especially if the narcissist has expressed their desire for you to do something and you achieved it.
They change their expectations, without telling you, so you never know where you stand.
A narcissist thinks that they should be the only ones that good things happen to.
They are the only ones that deserve happiness, success, health, wealth, love or good luck
However, they are lazy and don’t think that they should make any effort to have any of these things.
A narcissist will expect everything to come to them, they are entitled to it just because they are special.
They make the least effort in love, they expect it, but sneer at it.
When they are shown love, they see it as a weakness in the other person.
Love is something to be taken advantage of and to use to manipulate.
It might appear to make them happy, but only because they know that you care more than they do.
It’s an ego boost and makes them feel superior because they are above emotional connection to anyone.
Do not underestimate how bad narcissists intentions are.
Their sole focus in life is to take out their misery, anger and frustration on those around them.
The more they put their crap onto others the better they feel, although momentarily. They think then that they need to do it more to further relieve their discomfort.
The real way to deal with it, is to get help.
However, a narcissist will never admit that they have a problem.
Instead, they project their vileness onto their scapegoat.
If you wonder about what it is that they say or do, then try not to give them too much credit.
There is no low that a narcissist won’t stoop to to get the attention that they need.
They don’t care who they hurt or how they hurt them, all they care about is that they get what they want.
To a narcissist other people are just there to serve them. Once they feel that that person is not serving them, then they walk away.
This could be a friend of theirs or a family member, it could even be their own child or grandchild.
This is why it is rare for narcissists to have long term friends, once someone disagrees with them then the friendship is forgotten. The narcissist then tries to find someone who will serve them, bow down to them and be what they want them to be.
I believe that people basically divide into 2 types of people: people who have good intentions and people who have bad intentions.
A narcissist only ever has bad intentions, towards you and everyone else.
If things are really difficult for you, they will make the situation more stressful.
They may make the drama about them, cause more trouble for you, deliberately mis-advise you so that the situation is worse for you, belittle your problem or just ignore you.
Whatever they do, they will offer no positive support or help.
There’s no love.
If things are going well for you, they will do all they can to tear you down.
Perhaps they’ll gossip about you, suddenly fake an illness or stressful time, decide that it’s the time to bring up an age-old grudge, or just not be interested in you.
Whatever you’re happy about, they will try to destroy it for you.
Expect nothing from them, except for them to make everything about them and how they feel.
Should you expect them to act like they care, then they have you. They have an audience, your attention, your energy and the most powerful, your emotional investment.
A narcissistic parent has a great source of attention and energy from their child, because of the child’s need for their love and approval.
The child has an enormous emotional need for their parent.
A narcissistic parent withholds their love and approval and uses it as an unobtainable ‘reward’ for their child.
A child of a narcissist may be striving until their parent’s death for that illusive love and approval.
The greater the emotional need of those around the narcissist, the greater power for the narcissist.
That is all they are interested in, power and control.
It is very difficult to process how a narcissist thinks, especially when you have a strong emotional connection to them.
Often it can take some time to realise how bad narcissists really are. It’s quite hard to believe that someone can wish others ill like they do, especially hard when it comes to members of their family.
I remember in a film ‘As Good As It Gets’ the character, Melvin Udall Writer says:
Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man. And I take away reason and accountability.
(taken from https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/as_good_as_it_gets/quotes/)
I think that with a slight amendment this can apply to a narcissist.
Here’s mine:
How do you write narcissists so well?
I think of a person. I take away empathy, compassion and interest in anyone else.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on October 26, 2021.