The Narcissist’s Agenda

Clare Lane

4 min readNov 9, 2018

Narcissists see relationships and interactions with others as competition and seek to win whatever the cost.

One sided relationships

The main reason for this is that they do not want to have a mutually beneficial relationship with anyone.

Their relationships are based on what they can get from the other person.

So, by nature, the relationship is very one-sided, with the narcissist only taking.

If the other person expresses a wish for something from the narcissist, the relationship will start to break down. This is not what the narcissist signed up for.

Easy to discard others

As they lack all ability to forge deep and meaningful connections with others, it is easy for a narcissist to walk away.

As they are not capable of love there is no emotional attachment to anyone, not even their own children.

This is what makes it so easy for them to discard people. Once people no longer serve the narcissist’s needs the relationship is thrown away.

They must always win

Narcissists have a pathological desire to win, in every circumstance and against everyone.

Even if this means that in they suffer in some way.

Their actions and decisions make no sense to normal people because their sole focus is to be superior, to win.

They will resort to all manner of underhand tactics to win: smear campaigns, lies, gas-lighting and twisting things.

There is no low that they won’t stoop to, even over silly insignificant things. They will do whatever they have to in order to have the advantage.

We assume that they also want a relationship

Dealing with a narcissist can be very frustrating because we make the assumption that they also want a decent relationship.

Coming from this starting point means that we are at a disadvantage.

The narcissist is aware of what we want, and the behaviours that we want or need from them.

They can read us like a book and know what we want. And they play a game to make sure that they will never give us what we want.

By pretending to be all we want, they keep us close so that they can enjoy our disappointment and hurt when their true malicious self surfaces.

They make sure we don’t get what we want

Narcissists play these games in such a clever and subtle way that we are completely unaware.

They ask us what we want, and surprised and delighted we tell them. Then they make sure that this is exactly what we don’t get. They will go to great efforts to make sure we don’t get what we want. Even if it means that they suffer too.

Through their manipulations, make it look like a twist of fate that the thing you wanted didn’t happen. Then to further twist the knife they act as if they are sad about our disappointment.

They have front row seats to witness our sadness that they contrived.

How they win…..

Through these games the narcissists ‘win’ in several ways.

We tell them what we want and they feel superior that we trust them with this information.

Somehow despite our previous experiences with them, we still trust them.

We express our delight that they are interested in us. So, they get a further sense of superiority that we want them to care.

They play these games all the time

These games are played all the time by narcissists over everything, from trivial arrangements to huge life decisions.

In fact, they get even more of a thrill if they can somehow blame it on someone else. This is so they can drive a wedge between you because you resent the other (innocent) party for denying you.

Everything they do or say is to manipulate others

Everything that narcissists say and do is to deliberately manipulate those close to them.

They never relax because they are always looking for opportunities to hurt those around them.

Every situation will be used to their advantage even if reality has to be re-written by them as they lie, gas-light and twist things in order to gain.

If you are in any kind of relationship with a narcissist then beware telling them what you want or need from them.

Everything you ask for, material, financial, emotional or physical, they will make sure that you don’t get from them.

They do the opposite of someone who wants a happy relationship because they seek to hurt and disappoint you, and relish doing it.

If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.

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