The Narcissist and the Smear Campaign
Smear campaigns are a typical tactic of a narcissist.
The smear started a long time ago
They will have started the smear campaign against you as a child or at the beginning of your relationship.
Their aim……
The aim of the smear campaign is to discredit you entirely to everyone you know.
This is to ensure that no-one believes you should you ever reveal the abuse of the narcissist.
The narcissist would have already made your nearest and dearest doubt you.
They tell others that you are difficult, you lie frequently, you are unreliable and you are not to be trusted. It is very subtly done by putting enough doubt into people’s heads about you.
It escalates when you reveal their abuse
Should you ever reveal the abuses to your nearest and dearest the narcissist will escalate their lies about you.
They will set about a concerted smear campaign.
This will be based on lies and sometimes by twisting their own behaviour and projecting it onto you.
The louder you shout about their treatment of you, the worse the smear campaign will be. As they have already made people doubt you their lies and twisted stories will be believed by others.
They need others to feel alive
A narcissist will seek to isolate you from everyone.
You are a risk to their image and their supply (attention) from other people.
Their priority is to ensure they have supply from people because they need it to feel alive. If they lose you as their primary source of supply then they always need backup.
Their attention will be focused on making the most of the drama of you leaving. Then on finding new supply.
Those around the narcissist are just as bad
Anyone who believes a narcissist about anything is not someone you want in your life.
They can be equally as toxic as the narcissist. And have their own reasons for enjoying the drama typical of being involved with a narcissist.
Whatever the reason for their belief in the narcissist, they are not the people that you need in your life.
Should you decide to go no contact then it’s best to consider cutting out all the toxicity from your life.
Anyone acting on behalf of the narcissist hinders you. They prevent you from having the time and space you need to be able to process what you’ve been through.
You can’t fight it
There is little point trying to counteract their lies and stories.
The damage will have been done long before and it will just increase the drama and stress for you.
This feels completely counter-intuitive because your natural reaction is to try to defend yourself.
The narcissist knows this.
It is another reason why they do it, they can show how much more clever they are.
They know that by spreading their lies they will upset you, and you will fight. Therefore they get more of their supply and so much of your energy.
They have to win
To a narcissist, this is a game, one which they must win at all costs.
There is nothing they won’t stoop to in order to win, to preserve their image and maintain their attention (supply).
The only way to deal with it is to take yourself out of the game and refuse to react.
This will be the time when you will see those who have your back. And those who you will need to cut out of your life as well.
How to cope with their campaign
Whatever they sling at you, remain peaceful and quiet.
Refuse to be drawn into a discussion about it with others.
Simply say ‘this is a matter between myself and them, there is no need for anyone else to be involved’.
And then walk away.
If you feel angry or frustrated vent in a journal, let it all out.
It’s the time when you find those that really love you
The kind of people you do want in your life will not believe the drama and lies.
They know that there is something toxic about the narcissist and will steer clear.
These are the people you want to surround yourself with, those that respect you. They have no need for the drama and toxicity of the narcissist.
It is by relying on their support that you will begin to be able to process what you’ve been through.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on July 6, 2018.