The Narcissist and Competition

Narcissists have to be and feel superior, and one way is by constantly being better than someone else.

Everything that a narcissist does is about competing with others.

This can be competing with their family members friends, acquaintances, colleagues, even their own children.

It can even get to the level of being ridiculous.

My father, for example, had a clear out before a house move. He got my brothers around and divided up all his tools.

I wasn’t invited, although my husband is a very practical man and would have loved some of the tools that were sold.

My father gave me his degree certificates.

I had dropped out of University but gone back and completed my degree several years later. My father had never let me forget, at least until I graduated, that I had dropped out. He would set up conversations to remind me of my failure and would often introduce me to people saying I was a dropout and cost him a fortune.

For him this was about getting a last dig.

It didn’t work. He did this because it was his way of saying that he was better than me. He got a ‘better’ degree and gained a higher grade than me.

The really strange thing about this, was it was as if he was distributing his things before he died. It was like he wanted to see the upset of my brothers as he handed out his things. I don’t expect they gave a crap at all!

So, you see, you are not aware necessarily of the competition that your narcissistic parent feels about you.

I was completely unaware until this incident with the certificates and I was in my twenties then.

The competition doesn’t always have to be about achievements.

It could be about anything at all.

Their resentment and jealousy of you feeds them and keeps them going in this unreturned and often unrecognised quest against you.

It matters to them, hugely. But to you it doesn’t matter at all, but it doesn’t stop them.

Sometimes it will be about money, so you may have something and they have to get one too. Only theirs is bigger, brighter, more expensive or more exclusive than yours.

Maybe it doesn’t even serve its purpose, but it’s not about that. It’s about trying to make you feel inferior.

It also extends to life experiences.

So, you may be ill, but I’ll bet that the narcissist will be more ill, it’ll be much worse for them than it was for you.

I was once sharing with my mother how difficult I was finding it with my infant son. It was a mistake to expect support from her, but this was before I realised what was going on.

All she said was ‘Well at least you don’t have stepchildren to worry about and look after too’.

In one statement she utterly invalidated me, made me feel my worries were insignificant and showed me how little she cared about me or my son.

Another narcissist I know, her husband was admiring our lawnmower. Less than a week later, she had bought the more expensive and ‘better’ lawnmower, even though it was entirely unsuitable for their garden. She bragged about it to us, how much it cost and how big it was.

You see, for her she had ‘won’. It didn’t matter that we didn’t care or even realise it was a competition.

And this is all that matters to a narcissist, winning.

Everything you do is in competition with them, as they see it. However, we don’t see it like that! We see it as living our life, buying the things we want or need and just getting on with it.

Narcissists are obsessed with competition, and often a simple conversation with them also becomes a competition.

If something happened to you, it happened to them, only it was much worse. It is constantly one-upmanship with them.

It’s surprising when you realise how much the narcissist has been in competition with you. Especially because you were completely unaware!

Often the narcissist will brag to other people about how much better their possession is than yours, or how they did better than you. It gives them the chance to show off and try to make you look inferior to other people too.

The only way to deal with a narcissist, is to not care what they are doing!

The more you engage with them, the more you are wasting your energy.

The narcissist will do whatever they have to to ‘win’ at whatever it is.

It could be something so petty and insignificant as a kitchen appliance, but it could also extend to them fracturing relationships or sabotaging you in any way.

The best thing to do is to not share anything with them that you don’t want them to destroy.

The more information you give them about yourself, your career or relationship, or anything, the more ammunition you give them to use against you.

Don’t forget- they will use ALL the underhand and despicable tactics they can to get one over on you and win.

If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.

For more information there is also:

😍 Patreon! 😍 Find out more here: https://www.patreon.com/clarelane

💟 Coaching Session & Coaching Packages SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER

From ONLY 80 €

👊 POWER hour https://comebackbrighter.com/power-hour-session/

👊👊👊 POWER Package https://comebackbrighter.com/power-package/

💖 Heart Coaching Package https://comebackbrighter.com/heart-healing-package/

💻 More information on my website https://comebackbrighter.com/

⭐️ Narcissist or Not? QUIZ https://comebackbrighter.com/narcissist-or-not-quiz/

✒️ Here are my blogs https://comebackbrighter.com/latest-blogs/ 💌

Or contact me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com

You are not alone, Clare x

Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on July 20, 2021.