The ‘Good Times’ With A Narcissist
The most confusing thing about spending time with a narcissistic abuser is that there are good times.
You don’t know when or why their behaviour will suddenly switch and they will become mean, nasty or confrontational.
Life is up and down when you are involved with a narcissist
The narcissist’s ability to appear to switch from good to bad leads us to question their abuse.
Was it really that bad?
Was it abuse?
Did I imagine it?
How can someone switch from the person I want and need to such a nasty person?
What did I do wrong?
How can I make them what I need again?
Did I start the argument?
What made them so angry?
Why did they stop talking to me?
The questions go on.
Most of them are asking ourselves what we may have done to cause the change in them.
We only remember the good….
The good times can appear to outweigh the bad times.
Naturally, we have the desire to only really remember the good.
Also if we think of the good, then we don’t have to make the difficult decision about our future relationship.
If you focus on the bad times, you see the truth
As a true indicator of this person’s nature, it is much more important to focus on the bad.
We are none of us perfect and we expect respect when dealing with those people close to us.
A narcissist will show zero respect or empathy for your feelings.
Everything will be twisted around to be about them, conversations will get nowhere. You are simply not dealing with someone who wants to understand you, the problem or sort it out.
Two main reasons for their vile behaviour
The sad truth is that there are two main reasons for a narcissist’s vile behaviour; a slight to their ego or the desire to bring others down.
There is no accounting for what we do or say that may insult a narcissist’s ego; they are over-defensive to the extreme when it comes to protecting their ego.
So it could be the case that you never know the crime against ego for which you were punished.
A narcissist can’t bear to see others happy or excited.
Their main aim is to bring you back down with a vile comment or a more subtle passive-aggressive comment. They think that there is only one person deserving of happiness or excitement or success and that is them.
Identify the pattern
You may never understand their motivations for their bad behaviour but seeing a pattern of behaviour can help.
Taking a look at how they made you feel during these difficult times can help make the situation seem clearer.
Did you feel rejected, hurt, sad, angry, belittled, ignored, disliked, hated?
Is this how you expect to feel when you are dealing with a member of your family?
Good times when a narcissist is getting an ego boost
A narcissist will appear to be happy when their ego is being propped up.
This is if they are getting their own way or they have successfully brought someone down.
The good times with a narcissist may coincide with these times. It is certainly no coincidence.
……or to keep you close
The good times with a narcissist are contrived and manipulative and to keep you close.
They know exactly what it is that we want from them and on occasions, they appear to give us this.
But this is only to keep us constantly striving for these times, even through the bad times. A narcissist’s number one priority is to abuse others.
They know that if they can appear to be what we want the relationship continues and we endure their abuse.
The good times are fake, a part of the cycle to keep us close.
Always the threat of their rage
A life spent walking on eggshells is the life involved with a narcissist.
The good times may be good.
However, there is always the threat of an argument or unpleasantness for no reason (for you anyway).
Living on edge all the time, worrying about putting a foot wrong, is not a good way to live. The stress can have an incredibly detrimental effect on you and your physical and mental well-being.
If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on August 10, 2018.