Sibling Relationships in a Narcissistic Family
Narcissism does not infect just the person with the disorder, it infects the whole family.
Narcissistic parents ensure that their children are not close.
They use various techniques to foster resentment at the least and hatred at the worst.
Control communications
Narcissistic parents will triangulate in order to take control of the interactions between siblings.
They make themselves the centre of communications.
This is so that they can manipulate siblings, tell lies and twist reality. Often they will fabricate stories about a child’s partner to alienate them. Then their other child doesn’t want to either communicate directly or spend time with them.
If they can make themselves the centre of communication then they control how others feel about each other.
They will seek to sow the seeds of doubt between their children and use this to drive a wedge between their children.
Competition for love
The narcissist parent encourages their children to view their brothers and sisters as competition for their parent’s love, approval and attention.
The narcissist will show ‘love’ and attention to whichever of their children gives their ego the greatest boost. They simultaneously make sure their other children are jealous.
Siblings resent each other not the narcissist
The narcissistic parent is very clever at making the focus of their child’s resentment their sibling, NOT the parent.
In effect, the golden child abuses their sibling on behalf of the narcissist.
The resentful sibling vents their frustration at their parent on the scapegoat.
The scapegoat is responsible for all the family’s difficulties and stresses.
The roles can temporarily shift in the family
Each child in the narcissistic family understand the roles that the narcissist gives them.
But these roles can and will change will no warning.
The golden child will work very hard to please their narcissistic parent in order to maintain their role. They do not want to be the scapegoat. So they tell tales, lies and twist things so that the scapegoat takes the punishment.
The scapegoat will be wary of becoming the golden child, knowing that things can change very quickly.
The lost child will no doubt be confused by the change of role, but know that it will change.
The poison infects the whole family
It is one of the saddest things about coming from a narcissist family, that every family connection is poisoned by the narcissist.
Unfortunately, it often means that the scapegoat has to consider cutting off contact with more family members.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on May 18, 2018.