Narcissists Love Money
To a narcissist money is very important, because it serves them in so many different ways.
It replaces love and connection
Sadly, narcissists are incapable of forming genuine and sincere connections with others.
They are too selfish and self-absorbed to be able to care about other people, including their own children and family members.
As they don’t experience love for others, they direct their focus on money and material possessions.
This is something within their power and control and gives them power and control over others.
Although narcissists are completely unaware and will never admit it, they feel a lack inside. This could only be filled with the love that they deny themselves, but they think it will be filled with money or things.
However, no matter how much money or things they have they will never feel satisfied.
But, sadly for them, they never realise this. Instead, they think that the next cheque or possession will give the satisfaction they desire. And it goes on and on with them never feeling what they want.
They are caught in a never-ending cycle. However, they lack the self-awareness to look at the situation and make the changes that they need.
Gaining (or keeping) money or possessions will be the top priority for a narcissist.
They will be willing to sacrifice everything to earn more money, buy more things, or to keep these things.
Relationships will fail, their own health and well-being will be sacrificed but they will still fight to have more and more. No matter the cost to them, all that matters is gaining more or keeping what they’ve got.
At the end of it all, all they will have will be their money or things. But sadly, it will not bring them the satisfaction or fulfilment they want.
Never enough
A narcissist is trapped in the scarcity mindset, there is never enough and whatever they have must be guarded.
It rules all their thinking and their decisions.
It could be a narcissist has plenty of money or resources, but they still chose to cut their costs as much as they can. They will be willing to sacrifice some of their comforts to feel the security of having their money safely in the bank or stashed away.
They will never be relaxed or feel that they have enough.
Some narcissists will expect or assume that their children, with fewer resources than them, will support them financially especially in their old age. Or they may expect them to care for them, saving the narcissist the money.
Money as ‘love’
Some narcissists will use their money as an expression of their ‘love’.
As they value it so much they assume that other people do too. Therefore, to a narcissist a cash gift is a gift to be prized and they expect it to be treated as such.
Within the narcissistic family a child soon learns that the only way they will receive something like love is to earn it from the narcissist and then get the money and possessions from them.
They will use their money to show their ‘love’ but also their disapproval.
(I say love in ‘’ because it’s not true love and acceptance but what the narcissist perceives as love.)
The child that boosts their image or bolsters their ego will be rewarded with money, or a valuable possession. This child is the golden child and will be rewarded for it.
If their child should do something that makes them look bad, or threatens their ego, then they will be denied money or possessions. This child is being scapegoated.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent, within that toxic environment, the children are also taught to only value money.
Their money gives them power
The money that a narcissist has gives them power over others.
A narcissist will always makes sure that they have more than others. Having more, means that they can decide whether or not to bestow it on others, during their lifetime or after their death.
So, it could be that there is money in the family but the narcissist will make sure that they have complete control over it.
With the power, comes control and this is what a narcissists are all about. The greater their power and control over others, the more satisfied the narcissist is.
Status money gives them
Narcissists enjoy the status that having money gives them, it makes them feel superior.
It could be that other people appeal to them for money, and the narcissist gets a huge power rush from that. This gives them enormous control over others.
This could be family members who can’t pay their bills or from people running charities. Whoever it is doesn’t matter to the narcissist, they get the power rush just the same.
Some narcissists will want to have the status symbols so that others see their money.
They will want a fancy car, nice house, good clothes etc. Things that they feel reflect well on them.
Sometimes these possessions will be gained by getting into debt. But that doesn’t matter to the narcissist, all that matters is how they look to other people.
Other narcissists thrive on looking poor but know that they’ve got money stashed away.
They fake being poor so that other people won’t ask them for money.
They fear it being taken away from them. These people will even compromise on their standard of living in order to save money, or make sure that their money is protected.
However, these fake poor narcissists may have an expensive hobby or other expensive habit. So, whilst they plead poverty in one way, they will proudly show off their latest acquisition or costly bill. It gives them a thrill, makes them feel superior, to think that people are convinced by their poor act, but people generally aren’t.
It’s not just the money that makes the narcissist feel superior, it’s the secret that they hide and the lies that they act out, that makes them think others are stupid for believing them.
Narcissists will ensure that they have 100% control over finances. This gives them 100% control over their dependent family members. Their family have to ask their permission to do anything that involves spending money.
It also means that it’s difficult, maybe impossible, for someone to leave a narcissist. If someone doesn’t have the money to leave, then they have to stay.
Sometimes narcissists are very clever at how they manipulate others with money.
If they can’t have 100% control over the bank accounts, they will fake poverty. That way the other person pays the bills, leaving them with less and less for what they need, or to escape.
Generosity with strings
Narcissists can appear to be very generous.
However, this generosity comes with a price. The narcissist will expect repayment, perhaps way more than the gift, in the form of time spent with them, whatever the narcissist wants.
Whenever the narcissist wants something, then they will remind you of their gift. This reminder of the obligation will usually mean that the narcissist gets what they want.
A narcissist uses their money to manipulate other people
It may not be a cash gift; it may be something like co-signing on a car or phone plan. Whatever it is the narcissist will use it against you.
Once you start to realise the true dynamic and start to pull away then the narcissist will bring up all their gifts as a reminder of your obligation to them.
Sometimes narcissists will use their gifts, or ways that they helped you against you. Perhaps they demand the money back or threaten to take themselves off a joint plan.
It’s best to not rely on a narcissist for anything.
That way nothing can be used against you, which they will do at some point in the future.
A narcissist may offer to keep something safe for you, it could be some money, or valuables. However, they are not keeping it safe for you, they are keeping it to control you. That way they will know if you are planning something.
They will make it look like they’re doing it out of concern for you, but it’s about them having power and control over you.
Don’t trust a narcissist with anything.
You may not regret it at the beginning, but the chances are that you will regret trusting them at some point.
A narcissist’s last will
A narcissist will use their money and possessions to manipulate other people when it comes to their will.
They will make promises or drop hints about the people who will gain on their death. These promises or hints will not necessarily be kept, it’s only to manipulate people.
During this time, the family divides will be exploited by the narcissist. They have set up these fractions within the family unit and will use them to cause further distress and upset to those that love them.
A narcissist uses their will to keep people close to them. The more people close to them, the more people to abuse. Narcissists need attention and energy from other people and their will is a great tool to use to manipulate others.
Their will is about power and control, and a narcissist will use it make it clear how they feel about their family and friends. It’s their last chance to reward their golden child and punish their scapegoat.
Conclusion
In conclusion the best thing is to expect nothing from a narcissist during their life or after their death.
Their money and ‘gifts’ come with a heavy price, either repayment from you over and over again, or having to spend time with them to get something after they die.
The less control they have over you and your finances the better. Even if they make it look like it’s a benefit to you, or the best thing for you, if a narcissist is involved it’s all about them.
Their money gives them power and control, so the more you can release yourself from the need to rely on them the less power and control they have over you.
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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on June 28, 2022.