Narcissists are Fake!

Clare Lane

6 min readJun 30, 2020

Now, it may seem pretty obvious that a narcissist is fake, but what is surprising is how deep it goes.

There is nothing genuine about them.

It’s all about their image

In these days of social media popularity, a narcissist can be as fake as they like.

All that is presented is the image that they have of themselves and their life.

I heard of one story of a narcissist inviting several family members over for a celebration. The family members drove several hours to be there, the narcissist took photos, and then dismissed them without even a drink. It was all about the photo opportunity. Once posted on Facebook, they could look like a loving and caring person and relative surrounded by their family but the truth was far from it.

A narcissist is two extremes

As they spend their entire lives energetically feeding off other people, it makes them somewhat of a chameleon. Their personality changes according to who they are speaking to or who they admire at that point in time.

To one person, they admire and feel is good for their image, they are thoughtful or considerate. To another, who they think may serve them, they are flattering and inflate the other person’s ego.

Anyone they dislike, they will make it obvious. They will be overtly rude to that person, but should they discover that that person is wealthy or somehow they will benefit from them, will change their attitude instantly.

They can change in a second

A narcissist can go from red-faced rage attack, to really nice and friendly, in a split second.

Whoever sees the rage sees the true narcissist. Whoever they are being nice to, they’ve put their ‘nice’ face on for. And the sudden change can have you reeling.

This is a part of the act of a narcissist and is something that they are constantly pre-occupied with.

It takes a lot of their energy maintaining a certain façade with some people. Of course, they see some gain for them out of it or else they wouldn’t bother.

There’s no consistency with a narcissist

One moment they can go from hating dogs, claiming to have a fear of them from a childhood incident, to being a dog’s best friend.

Why? Because the dog’s owner is someone that they want to suck up to. It’s as simple as that.

They have several masks

Even within a conversation between several people a narcissist can make huge changes to their personality.

As they speak to one person they are a vegetarian, because they love animals, and as they speak to another person, a meat lover that could never give up their steak.

They don’t care that it doesn’t make sense to other people. They think everyone else is stupid and completely drawn in by them.

They fake emotions

Often you will see a narcissist studying people, usually someone dealing with an emotion such as sadness.

As they don’t have, or can’t express, their own emotions they have to copy other people’s. Sometimes they get it wrong, over-acting the part or behaving inappropriately.

One narcissist I knew, saw that her husband was upset and getting attention. So, she suddenly became more upset, she over-acted her part to get the attention. It didn’t feel genuine or sincere because it wasn’t.

If you really look at a narcissist’s face you will see it looks like a mask. It looks basically the same all the time.

They lack the tiny facial expressions, we all recognise, of real human beings. Some you can actually witness arranging their face into different ways to express ‘emotions’. If they are crying, they may screw up their face, and make a lot of noise, but do you see tears?

Having a conversation with a narcissist

Often a narcissist’s ineptitude for conversation with normal human beings gets them into trouble.

They are too busy with their own agenda for furthering themselves with certain people and putting on the mask that they miss the micro-cues of conversation. Sometimes they can make mistakes that they are entirely unaware of, although others will be aware.

As their energy is taken elsewhere they can not engage fully with the conversation and other people will know this. They may be looking over your shoulder to check out who is more interesting to them behind you.

The centre of attention

A narcissist will break all the rules of conversation because it becomes all about them.

For that little while they are the centre of everyone’s attention and thriving on it. They don’t care that they are not respecting other people, they just have to have their say and the focus on them. It’s like a drug to them.

It’s all about them

In particular a narcissist will do all the talking, and everything will be about them. Often there will not even be a pause for the other person to interact. It’s not required, the limelight is all that they need.

One narcissist I knew didn’t know how to do small talk. When we first met, she didn’t say hello or introduce herself, just went into a monologue about the journey she’d had. And then as soon as she finished, she walked off. She didn’t ask me anything, not even how I was, nor was my interaction required.

Everything they do is for attention

Even the choices they make in life are for attention. It’s not about their values or beliefs it’s about being superior than others, or being special.

One narcissist I knew is a vegetarian. I often wondered why because he did not care about animals or the planet. Then I went out for a meal with him and he had to have a specially prepared meal. It was the only way that he could feel special. It also meant that his wife struggled with meals. He would complain about his meals. So, it was a way for him to feel special at home too or to give him something to moan about.

If you had asked him about his choice to be vegetarian, he would have given you a well-rehearsed speech about it. Almost like a script, perhaps adapted a little to fit with your views on it. It never felt like a genuine choice.

It keeps you on your toes

As you never know exactly where you stand with a narcissist, it keeps a lot of your energy engaged with them. As narcissists are energy vampires, they feed from this and love it.

You can never assume anything with a narcissist, because of their inconsistencies and how sensitive they are. One minute they are one thing and the next insulted because you confirmed it. It gives them another way to create drama.

Toxic people’s inauthenticity

Our senses pick up on fake people, after all having had a childhood with a narcissist makes you sensitive to these things.

I used to think a sensitivity to people’s inauthenticity was a disadvantage. Now I see it’s a huge advantage. The moment you feel something is off, back away.

Anyone who’s inauthentic, will be the one gossiping about you to others, and someone who could be difficult to disentangle from in the future.

Our intuition

Trusting yourself and your intuition after narcissistic abuse is a long road. As children we are told we are wrong if we speak up about something that warns us. We are made to doubt ourselves because this is what gives the narcissist power over us.

There are many clues that toxic people give us about them, but it could be something just feels ‘off’. This is when you see a glimpse of their inauthenticity, and it’s best to back away. Trust your intuition, it is there to keep you safe.

If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.

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