Narcissists are Dangerous

6 min readMay 5, 2023

It is so hard at the beginning of the discovery of narcissistic personality disorder to identify it, and to validate your experiences.

You are so used to abusive behaviour that it is your normal, especially if you have been raised by a narcissist.

However, a narcissist is dangerous to you, your family and to every aspect of your life.

A narcissist will isolate you

They will never make it obvious, but a narcissist will seek to isolate you from everyone.

One by one relationships with friends and family members will drop off. It may because they are hurt that they never see you, all your time is with the narcissist. Or it might be that you feel so uncomfortable when you want to go and see them you just stop.

However it happens, the narcissist is behind it all. But you won’t recognise that it’s all down to their machinations.

As well as removing your support network which means you are less likely to leave, they also force your dependence on them.

The more trapped you are, the more power and control the narcissist has over you.

Once they have you where they want you, completely reliant on them, then they can do whatever they want. And you just have to continue to take it, you have no choice.

Anyone who remains in your circle will have been carefully vetted by the narcissist. These people are the ones that the narcissist can easily manipulate and control.

A narcissist conducts a smear campaign against you

From the very beginning a narcissist will have waged a systematic smear campaign against you.

Everyone that they speak to will have been told lies about you, sometimes based on the truth and greatly exaggerated.

The idea is to discredit you in advance if you ever chose to reveal their abuses.

Whatever their story about you, it will make you out to be the narcissist’s victim.

Furthermore, those times when you felt close to them and confided in them, these are the times when they obtained the information they’ll use against you.

They may exploit previous addictions or mental health issues in their campaign. Consequently, whatever you’ve told them, or your weaknesses they can easily identify, will be used against you.

You won’t realise it until it’s too late.

As a result, they’ve done the damage to your relationships for years, potentially decades, before you start to distance yourself.

In addition, once you start to speak out, these people reeled in by the narcissist’s lies, will not believe you.

You, the victim, will be the one isolated, alone and without support, whilst the perpetrator is supported and helped. Maybe even by your family members.

Narcissists have an excellent ability to see and exploit the weaknesses of others.

So, jealousies, arguments, rivalries and difficulties in between people will be taken advantage of for their twisted agenda.

Family members will be turned against each other and friends fighting, and all due to the machinations of the narcissist.

However, the narcissist will be careful to make sure that the trouble making can’t be traced back to them.

The discard

The narcissist may begin the discard with you at any point.

It could be that you’ve said or done something to hurt their fragile ego.

Narcissists have a very sensitive ego and are extremely defensive of it. It might be nothing to you, not meant to hurt, but it’s how the narcissist takes it that matters.

You may not even know what it was, and you’ll never know. Keeping you unaware, keeps you alert and focused on the narcissist, which is exactly what the narcissist wants.

Perhaps you’ve done something they perceive as damaging to their image.

A narcissist is very protective of their false image- it’s all they are. There’s no depth to them, they are just their image in their minds.

Therefore, their image has to be protected and maintained, whatever it takes.

They will not want to sort out any issues, or any difficulties arising from their sensitivities about their ego or image.

Alternatively, they may feel lacking in attention and energy from other people. Or they are bored and need some drama.

Narcissists need the attention and energy of other people to survive.

So, if things are calm(ish), they feel that they need to cause some drama to get others’ attention and energy. It’s what they feed off.

Whatever the reason, the discard may come out of nowhere and cause utter devastation.

It won’t make sense.

But it’s not about making sense, it’s about the narcissist deciding that you are no longer serving them.

Your actions are not so important, what’s important for the narcissist is to get everyone rallying around them.

The smear campaign waged against you for years, decades even, has been leading up to this point.

Everyone pulled into the drama will be people that the narcissist thinks will be on their side.

However, they are not adverse to contacting other people too, to see if they can get them on their side too. They want you completely alone.

The narcissist will want to get their side of the story out first.

It may be based on the truth, just enough to make them believable. But the parts where they are abusive or vile are either forgotten, defended or excused.

Then when you contact people, they’ve already had the narcissist’s story. And they may not even be interested in hearing your side of things.

In fact, they may even defend the narcissist and their behaviour.

The narcissist will paint themselves out to be your victim.

Their story about what happened will provoke pity in those who listen to them. That’s why the narcissist has told them, they know that they have them on side.

Together with their smear campaign, the narcissist has set it all up already, so that people won’t support you. They’ll support the perpetrator of the abuse.

No matter what you say, other people will blindly believe the narcissist.

It feels counter-intuitive, but the only thing to do is to not fight back.

It’ll only make you look worse, the narcissist knows that is what you’ll want to do, and pre-empted it but it’ll serve their lies against you.

The narcissist wants to win

For the narcissist this is an opportunity to win.

It’s a competition. Therefore, they want to see how many people turn against you, how much they affect your job, career or business, your family and your life.

The more they destroy you, the more they win.

Furthermore, the greater and wider influence they have in your life, the greater devastation they can cause.

So, if you rely on a narcissist as a business contact, and as a friend, then they will seek to destroy not only your business but your social life.

Anything you’ve shared with them confidentially with them, will be used against you. Any problems or issues you’ve had in your life or with people will be exploited and used for the narcissist’s advantage.

A narcissist will be poisonous, vile and despicable so that they can win.

Nothing will be beneath them to help them win, they won’t fight fair, or nicely.

You’ll still have a basic level of respect and consideration for them, but they won’t have any for you.

It’ll be like they’ve turned into a completely different person, but only you can see it.

Of course, if you’re lucky enough to know about narcissistic personality disorder, you’ll know it’s not you, but them.

However, if you don’t know about narcissistic personality disorder, you’ll wonder what you did to make them change so much and so horribly. You’ll watch as your life disintegrates before your eyes, and there’s no explanation for it.

Maybe you can trace it back to some tiny incident or not, but whatever it is it will have been blown out of all proportion. And left you reeling.

Every aspect of your life will be affected by it.

Whilst the narcissist appears to be untouched and unaffected by the situation, your life will never be the same again.

The stress caused by the narcissist’s discard will affect your:

· emotional well-being

· mental health

· psychological health

· financial situation

· social life

· spiritual health

· all your relationships

· and your physical health.