Narcissistic Abuse Symptoms: Panic Attacks

4 min readMar 8, 2019

Panic attacks are a natural consequence of high levels of anxiety, something that is symptomatic of being a child of narcissistic parents.

Anxiety is a consequence of an abusive past

Someone with an abusive past is used to high levels of stress and anxiety.

Passing those formative years in a dangerous situation, walking on eggshells, constantly on alert, and always on the lookout, means that this pattern naturally follows into adulthood unless it is recognised and worked on.

Anxiety is a natural consequence of never being able to relax.

It is natural then, that panic attacks are something that many children of narcissists are also familiar with.

A panic attack is an extreme reaction to a trigger of a traumatic past event, or something that is highly stressful in the present.

Having a panic attack

The first time I had a panic attack I was 21 and my father was in surgery having a triple heart bypass.

I was at work and just pulled into the parking space when suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

It was the most terrifying experience of my life, I thought I was going to die. I gripped the steering wheel and forced myself to focus on breathing slowly.

Part of me knew what was happening, so I didn’t visit the doctor or speak to anyone about it.

Often I struggled to look after myself.

Sometimes I was reluctant because I was worried what they would tell me that the problem was my father.

I had been in counselling before and once they mentioned my father I left counselling, it was something I was not ready to address.

By the time I had the second one, I knew what was happening and was able to avoid it.

It was summertime and I was swimming with huge waves crashing behind me, I felt my breath getting faster and faster, and got out of the sea in time to prevent another one. This time I told my boyfriend, but only because I had managed to avoid it.

Avoiding panic

Avoiding panic has become a habit of mine.

Once you’ve experienced a panic attack it is natural to want to avoid any circumstance which may set it off again.

I naturally steer clear of certain things anyway because my parents made me fearful but knowing about my panic attacks made it worse.

I was always a cautious child, I’m sure that my parents made me this way, instilling fear into me, but part of it was because I wasn’t sure if they would look after me if I did hurt myself.

It took me another 15 years after my first attack to realise that the true cause of both my anxiety and panic attacks were my parents and their treatment of me since a small child.

Narcissistic abuse was the root cause of my anxiety which lead to my panic attacks.

Triggered into a panic attack

My panic attack was symptomatic of what I was told as a child.

My father led me to believe that I could only rely on him, other people were to be feared, I wasn’t capable of looking after myself and I would never find anyone that would love me or even like me.

I was triggered back into being a helpless child and completely at his mercy, and if he had died I felt I would have died too.

In my child-brain I didn’t understand that I was 21 and entirely independent or that children weren’t just left to fend for themselves should a parent die.

It doesn’t help to rationalise, the circumstances took me back to being reliant on an erratic and inconsistent father.

It has been many years since my last panic attack, despite being in contact with my parents for most of that time.

I think that life events, although often stressful, were never as bad as when my father had his operation and that is why I never had a further attack.

Cutting out the toxic

Going no contact with my parents and avoiding toxic people has helped tremendously.

In short, cutting out all the toxicity and being careful who I allow into my life has reduced my anxiety.

It means that I am likely to have fewer triggers which could result in a panic attack. Of course, cutting out the toxic also means I have a much more relaxed, peaceful and happier life.

Recently I have been able to reduce my anxiety by recognising that this was my problem.

I started meditating, practising yoga and making exercise a priority. Doing these things to reduce my anxiety levels has meant that I am less likely to suffer from a panic attack in the future.

For more information there is also:

😍 Patreon! 😍 Find out more here: https://www.patreon.com/clarelane

💟 Coaching Session & Coaching Packages SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER From ONLY 80 €

💖 https://comebackbrighter.com/coaching-services/

📖 My blogs on Medium https://clarelane-comebackbrighter.medium.com/

👀 YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJGGrJYny9EwmmcOuIjmKGw

👂 My Google podcast https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy80NmJlZmYzYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw

🔈 Apple podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/come-back-brighter/id1588224250

✒️ Here are my blogs https://comebackbrighter.com/latest-blogs/

💻 More information on my website https://comebackbrighter.com/

💌 Or contact me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com

You are not alone, Clare x