Narcissistic Abuse- it’s Everywhere

5 min readAug 11, 2023

Narcissistic abuse is more common than you think.

The official stats for people suffering from narcissistic personality do not accurately reflect the number of people that have it.

People suffering from narcissistic personality disorder don’t suffer as much as those that are around them.

Those most deeply affected are the family members, in particular their children. The greater the emotional attachment to a narcissist, the greater ability the narcissist has to hurt and abuse.

Those who rely on a narcissist, suffer greatly. They understand that at any moment their basic needs will not be met.

A child raised in this environment suffers. Their childhood is spent focused on their survival and in competition with their other family members, including their other parent.

A narcissist will take out all their jealousy, bitterness, and hatred on those around them, in particular their scapegoat. But everyone that comes into contact with a narcissist suffers.

Everyone knows a narcissist.

But not everyone knows that this person has narcissistic personality disorder.

They are the terrible boss, the jealous neighbour, the awful client, the demanding colleague, the selfish friend and the lying partner.

I am constantly amazed when speaking to people, especially in a group setting, the number of people that are suffering from narcissistic abuse. And they are not even aware of it.

Sometimes these people haven’t recently had contact with the narcissist, or they died years, even decades earlier, and yet the narcissist’s legacy lives on.

Their legacy lives on in guilt and self-blame.

The daughter who feels guilty decades after her mother passed that she didn’t spend enough time with her or the son who can’t speak about what happened with his parents because it still hurts decades after the event.

A normal parent leaves behind love, and their son or daughter grieves their loss. Years after their death, their child still struggles to talk about their death.

A narcissistic parent leaves behind a lifetime of guilt.

This guilt is toxic: it’s not how guilt is supposed to function. It’s about feeling guilty about not doing what the narcissist wants/wanted. Not about the person’s conscience guiding them, telling them when something is wrong, so that they can learn from it.

Left unhealed, the abuse that leads to this toxic guilt can infect the rest of a lifetime.

Other narcissists will be attracted by this toxic guilt and exploit it for their own gain. And so, the cycle of toxic guilt continues.

Narcissistic abuse is a huge thing to process, and it’s not swift or easy to do. But healing frees you, you understand that it wasn’t you that was the problem.

Shame wants people to hide in the darkness, keeping their guilt to themselves. The shame is what leads to people pleasing, no boundaries, feeling worthless and not having any confidence.

It also leads people to agree to things that they don’t want to do. Once that shame is activated, and narcissists are experts in activating it, the other person will agree to anything to make themselves feel better.

You carry your shame with you, and it is reflected in all your relationships.

Until awareness and healing take place, guilt and shame become the burdens of a lifetime.

I believe that many empaths of the world are weighed down by this toxicity and unaware of it. They blame themselves for whatever the drama or issues are, and it hampers their gifts to the world.

Empaths are here to bring love and light into the world. They have huge hearts, willing to love and help other people.

But their wounded hearts are unable to bring this love and light into the world.

Maybe you don’t think you’re an empath.

Maybe you don’t think you’ve ever experienced narcissistic abuse.

But if you deal with feeling guilt, obligation or remorse for things beyond your control then you’ve probably experienced narcissistic abuse.

It can be so hard, because the consequences of truly acknowledging the narcissistic abuse you’ve suffered can be massive.

It could start with a narcissistic partner, but then you start to see the same patterns with family members.

Perhaps it explains everything you’ve ever wondered about, but the ripples of realising can go far.

In my experience, the ripples go far, but the healing is worth it.

It might mean massive changes in your life, people you have to consider no contact with or family cut off.

But for your healing you need peace. And you’ll never get that peace if you are involved with a narcissist.

Being in it, narcissistic abuse, makes you blind to it. If you’ve been raised by narcissistic parents, then you are particularly vulnerable to it. It’s normal to you.

Taking a break, even just a short one, can mean that you start to see their behaviour for what it is: abusive.

It’s scary.

But not as scary as the prospect of spending the rest of a lifetime in that toxicity.

Narcissists affect every aspect of your life, your relationships, your friendships, your physical and mental health, your spiritual wellbeing, your career or job, your finances, your emotional health and your interests and passions.

Please don’t underestimate the damage a narcissist can do.

Narcissists are like poison, that will seep into every aspect of your life. And you’ll be completely unaware, probably not until they’ve done a lot of damage.

https://comebackbrighter.com/2023/08/08/narcissistic-abuse-its-everywhere/

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