Hitting Rock Bottom with a Narcissistic Parent
No contact is never a choice.
It is the result of many years, if not decades, of trying to understand and fix the relationship with a narcissistic parent.
No child ever wants to go no contact with their parents. All a child ever wants is to know unconditional love, no matter their age.
At what cost?
It comes to the point when the cost of keeping the relationship going is too great. When your energy has been consistently invested in someone with no return at all, and it leaves you drained in every way.
This is the point when all other aspects of your life, your job, your partner, kids and friends have long been paying the price of your neglect.
No contact is last resort when the relationship becomes utterly destructive to your mental and physical health. It can also be the time when you face a nervous breakdown, a slide into serious addiction or consider suicide.
End the fight
Going no contact means the end of the fight for your relationship with your parent. The fight that you are the only one emotionally invested in.
There has to be a breaking point, a time at which you realise how utterly destructive and exhausting the relationship is.
A point when you ask yourself:
‘Is this how it is supposed to be?’
This is just the beginning of the fight to get your life back.
Keep a little bit of that energy back for you, if it’s possible. You’re going to need it.
No contact will test you.
Many techniques will be used by the narcissist or their flying monkeys to get you back.
They will prey on you at your weakest times. These times when they feel you will be emotionally vulnerable and more susceptive to their manipulations.
Your love and concern for them will be used against you.
Be prepared for them to fight dirty to try and get you back.
At no time will they ever apologise for their actions. They will not be held accountable for what they’ve done, seek forgiveness from you or change their behaviour.
No contact becomes the ultimate boundary:
You take responsibility for your actions and we can have a relationship.
If they choose to not take responsibility for their actions then THEY choose no contact.
They choose not to have contact with you, or your kids, rather than putting aside their defence system and admitting fault.
If contact means that you lose your partner, your kids, your job, your friends what kind of life is that?
Your continued relationship means that you have a nervous breakdown, throw your life away to an addiction or consider suicide. What choice is it?
Contact with some people is so toxic to every aspect of your life.
If it’s shit now, it will never get any better.
There is nothing YOU can do to fix it. It’s beyond your control.
All they have to do is give a tiny bit. But they won’t because they relish seeing your downfall.
So, I’m here to tell you to walk away before they utterly destroy you.
Walk away.
You’ve hit rock bottom.
So, there’s only one way to go:
UP
I can’t tell you it will be easy.
I can’t tell you that there won’t be times when you wonder if you’ve done the right thing.
But I can tell you, with my whole heart, it will be worth all the effort you put in.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Just take it all one step at a time.
If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.
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You are not alone, Clare x
Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on August 11, 2020.