Drama and How the Narcissist Shows How They Really Feel

4 min readJan 18, 2019

Before I decided to go no contact with my parents, I knew that if I cut off contact there was little chance of them apologising and taking responsibility for their actions because they never had before.

So, for me, no contact meant the absolute end of the relationship because I had reached a point when I would no longer accept their behaviour and they refused to make the changes I wanted.

The choice was simple, continue to allow the abuse of myself and my son, or cut off completely from them.

I had enough experience of them to know that they would never seek to make amends, and the pattern was that somehow it was all my fault and I had to make amends.

Their reaction tells you how they really feel

A person’s reaction to your hurt tells you a lot about how they feel about you.

If they love you they will be compassionate, caring and understanding and will want to make a change because they want the relationship to work.

If they don’t love you, and they want you just to serve them and their needs then they won’t want to change to make it work. They were happy just the way it was, and they want it back that way.

How the narcissist uses every incident for their favour

Every incident with a narcissist tells you exactly about them.

Every drama, stress and fight will be turned around so that they are your victim.

Little incidences will be blown out of proportion because in some way they have taken offence at something that you have said. You will be completely unaware of what it was that hurt them.

Narcissists are supremely sensitive when it comes to their feelings and entirely oblivious when it comes to others’. Nor will they tell you, you will be expected to mindread.

Often the little thing that will set them off will be just an excuse, they are spoiling for a fight so will find anything that they can to justify a big row.

They relish the drama, and don’t want to sort it out

If you air a grievance with a narcissist, don’t expect to find a solution, their need for drama and attention is far greater than their desire to make amends.

A narcissist thrives on negative drama, they will often put themselves in the middle of other people’s dramas to get their much-needed attention.

They will feel insulted that you dare find something wrong with them, get on the defensive and turn it around so that somehow you are at fault.

No matter what it is a narcissist is preoccupied with protecting their ego, which means that your feelings are not a consideration.

They set others up

A life with a narcissist is one of high drama, with cycles of negative incidences.

A narcissist needs attention to live, they feel that is only through the attention of others that they exist.

Negative drama attracts a lot more emotion, and the narcissist gets more supply.

They know how ‘normal’ people will react, and in so many cases set up those around them for drama and sit back and watch the fireworks.

Times of stress and vulnerability will be exploited

A narcissist will take advantage of times of vulnerability and stress to cause further drama.

My father set me up when I came home from the hospital after giving birth.

My parents were staying with us, doing some work on the house and my father decided that my first day back home was the time to plane the bottoms of the doors he had fitted, paint the window in the nursery, and fit the fly-screen to the nursery window.

I had the terrible noise from the plane, the fumes from the paint and the lack of privacy in the nursery as I tried to feed my son.

Then to set off the fireworks he sent my mother in to ask what I was cooking for dinner. I went off and told them to leave my home.

I will never forget his smirk as he watched me shouting at them. He got exactly the reaction that he wanted, and he loved that he had manipulated the situation so that I got to that point.

You already know how they feel

In truth, there will have been so many small rows, arguments and disagreements with a narcissist, that you will already know exactly where you stand.

They will have shown through their behaviour over the years exactly how much they respect you and care for you especially at times of stress and arguments.

Each time it will be up to you to make amends, apologise and allow things to go back to things as they were before.

No contact is not a means to get attention from a narcissist, or to make they realise what they are missing.

It won’t work, it won’t fix the relationship and it won’t make them change.

It is the thing you must do when you realise that you face the simple choice, continue taking their abuse or walk away from them, and anyone else that associates with them, forever.

If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.

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