‘Death by a Thousand Cuts’
Everything that a narcissist does is for a reason.
If a narcissist says something and it hurts you, then that was their intention.
They get their sick kick when they hurt you. I
f you react by telling them they hurt you then they can cause drama. Either way, they win.
Do I need to say that if someone loves you, they don’t want to hurt you?
Yes, because if either of your parents is a narcissist then you don’t have a healthy idea of what love means.
Love is NOT…..
Love is not a reward for good behaviour.
It is not conditional on making someone else look good.
It is not restricted to only one family member (or pet).
Love is not something that you have to work hard for.
Narcissistic abuse ‘death by a thousand cuts’
Narcissistic abuse is described as ‘death by a thousand cuts’ because of its insidious nature, each incident wounds but appears to be so insignificant that it doesn’t cause immediate death.
There are lots of various techniques that a narcissist uses to manipulate and hurt, some subtle and some not so subtle.
Each of these techniques is to hurt you, undermine your self-confidence and maintain the narcissist’s superiority over you.
Here are some of the techniques that a narcissist uses.
Passive-agression
Passive agression is a clever way for a narcissist to deal with their anger and frustrations because it is so deniable.
The narcissist can express their anger and hatred.
The victim can feel the punch without the narcissist having to make the physical effort.
If you call them out on their behaviour, then they can accuse the other of being oversensitive or dramatic.
So, for the narcissist it’s a win all around, they can let you know how they feel, use it to victim blame and feel superior because you care enough that they can hurt you.
Humiliation
Humiliation is another way in which a narcissist can hurt you whilst it is so deniable.
Within a social environment, they hurt, belittle and make themselves appear to be superior.
This has a double advantage because it can undermine you to friends or family.
Then perhaps they will be less inclined to spend time with you, and then you can be alone at the narcissist’s mercy. It can also serve to back up the lies they have told others about you.
Insensitive
A narcissist will also be deliberately insensitive, mentioning inappropriate or hurtful things to show how little they care for you.
Once you reveal to a narcissist that they hurt you, they use this information against you and they will do it more to hurt you more.
Dealing with a narcissist is not dealing with a human being.
They don’t care for anyone else.
They thrive on hurting others and causing drama.
There is only one way that you can protect yourself, your partner and your children and that is to break free completely from their toxicity.
Only with time will you be able to see their treatment of you clearly.
If you have any questions please drop me a comment or email me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com.
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You are not alone, Clare x
Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on November 23, 2018.