Actions and words

It is when you consider the difference between the words and actions of a narcissist that you see the truth.

Whilst they may tell you how much they love you or that they will be there when you need them, what is the truth?

Actions involve effort and a narcissist uses them to show you exactly how they feel about you.

Words are easy and can be so easily used to manipulate you.

How I saw their manipulations

When I wrote out a list of the things my parents had done to hurt me that I saw the truth.

Each and every time I needed them for emotional support they weren’t there. They made a special effort to not be there and let me know it. Their holiday or comfort was more important than helping or supporting me.

When I had a miscarriage and told them, they decided to remain on holiday instead of coming home early.

When I was struggling to feed my baby, crying and appealing for help they walked out of the door.

As their scapegoat I never got what I wanted

Even when I didn’t need their emotional support they would ensure that I didn’t get whatever I wanted. This was because I was the scapegoat.

They undermined my confidence

Of course, when they told me I needed support, they undermined my confidence in myself to be able to cope with the challenges of life.

The implication was if I didn’t have them then I would go to pieces. This was another tactic to keep me close and to share with them my difficulties so they could use it against me.

I was sucked in by their lies

The thing that hurts the most about this is that they sucked me in with their lies.

I thought I had great parents who supported me and loved me. I even felt superior to other people when they told me about their situation with their parents.

They manipulated by their words for a very long time, even into my mid-thirties. When I realised about narcissism I saw how they had manipulated me. Now I’ve had time and space to think about it I see clearly.

How to see the truth

If you want to know the truth about anyone and how much they care write out instances of their behaviour, good and bad.

Then see how it relates to your circumstances at the time. Were they there for you? Did they support you when you needed it?

When I did this I realised each and every time I needed or wanted my parents they weren’t there.

Of course, it could work the other way and you can see clearly how much people are there for you, which will encourage you to trust them.

Words are easy, it is our actions that show the truth about how we feel about someone.

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Originally published at https://comebackbrighter.com on May 25, 2018.